New Mandala has been given exclusive access to a letter – addressed to Suthep Thaugsuban and post-marked Dubai – that was intercepted by our deep-throat within the Thai government, Nuat Namman. It provides explosive new insights into Thailand’s current political crisis. The following is a translated version of the full letter:

Sawasdi khrap Ai Thep (you were born three weeks before me so I can call you Big Brother), khop khun very much for your outstanding efforts over the past few weeks. Initially I had my doubts when I heard that you wanted to serve my family but your work in recent times has repaid my investment many times over.

If I can be perfectly frank, things were looking a little difficult for us before you stepped in. The Amnesty Bill was a disaster. Nong Poo knows how much I miss home, but she shouldn’t have tried to push that crazy bill through parliament so soon. And her payments to rice farmers have been getting out of hand. Poor old Abhisit looked like he might actually have some solid ammunition to use against us (poor choice of words, but you know what I mean). Nong Poo was looking pretty shaky and even some of my red shirts were feeling betrayed by the amnesty for the army and the yellows.

But then you saved the day. Who would have thought it could work! An anti-democratic people’s uprising! A grass roots revolt to deny the grass roots the vote! Brilliant.

In my wildest dreams I couldn’t have thought of a better tactic to discredit my political foes. I thought you were mad (in fact, I still do) but the Democrats lapped it up. The sight of them resigning from parliament was a joy to behold. Lemmings over a cliff. You shouldn’t teach a crocodile how to swim, but the veteran political losers in the Democrats are always open to learn new ways of making themselves irrelevant.

My friend, you have achieved what I could never quite manage myself – Abhisit’s mob are now nationally and internationally recognised as the first Democrat Party to campaign against democracy. That surely is your best world record so far!

Thank’s so much for giving Nong Poo the chance to call an election. What will the Eton boy do now? You’ve boxed the Democrats into a corner. If they run, it will be another loss to add to their collection (and a big one!). And if they don’t run …. well it will be all over for them.

Keep it up Big Brother Thep. More deadlines. More outrageous demands. More orders to public officials. More discrediting of the monarchy. More invasions. More attacks on the police. More attacks on rural voters. More crazy statements on Facebook. More harassment of the media. More sinister declarations. More talk of purges.

I’m loving it.

For a while it looked like the Amnesty Bill was a blunder, but you have turned it into a brilliant opportunity. Thanks to your work, everyone can see that Thailand has no credible opposition.

Nong Poo sends her best regards.

Your younger brother.

PS: We should be able to set up a land deal on Samui for you when all this is over (or perhaps you have already taken care of that?).